WELCOME to Tuesday, October 3, 2017.
Tuesday’s really bad Punography….
I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words.
They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.
Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
Broken pencils are pointless.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
Velcro – what a rip off!
Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
Venison for dinner? Oh deer!
Earthquake in Washington obviously government’s fault.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“Today, NASA announced that it has finally discovered water on Mars.
When they heard, Americans were like, ‘Eh, tell us when they discover beer.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“A woman in Italy recently married herself in a ceremony that included a three-layer
wedding cake, bridesmaids, and 70 guests. Did I say guests? I meant cats. 70 cats.” -Seth Meyers
“The other day in Australia, a wedding took place inside a Costco. Because it was
Costco, the groom came home with 12 brides.” -Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
While trying to explain to our six-year-old daughter how much technology had changed, my husband pointed to our brand-new personal computer and told her that when he was in college, a computer with the same amount of power would have been the size of a house.
Wide-eyed, our daughter asked, “How big was the mouse?”😎
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘That boy is our last hope…’ ‘No… there is another.’
ANSWER: The Empire Strikes Back! Anyone could tell this is from a “Star Wars” movie. Obi-Wan and
Yoda say these quotes, mentioning Luke Skywalker and his as-then-unrevealed sister, Leia.
Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘Today’s special, Vladikoff’s Vodka Surprise! We got Vladikoff’s vodka…SURPRISE!’
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
When you behead a word, you remove the first letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Sour, acidic
Answer: The words are Start and Tart.
1. Shut -> Misplace; fail
2. Open -> Glass container
3. Unusual; lightly cooked -> They exist
4. Prevent from spoiling -> Holding back
5. Broken glass -> Unyielding
6. Dampen; cushion -> Frequent
7. One who leases -> Go into
8. Leave one’s country -> Move seasonally
ANSWER: 1. Close -> Lose 2. Ajar -> Jar 3. Rare -> Are 4. Preserve -> Reserve 5. Shard -> Hard
6. Soften -> Often 7. Renter – > Enter 8. Emigrate -> Migrate
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
Which letter comes next in the following sequence?
S, N, E, P, O, H, C, _
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! SUPER SOLVING BANKS! 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙇🙏
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/