Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Friday, October 6, 2017.             
Mother’s dictionary….
Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.
Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.
Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster
Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.
Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
Look out: What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.
Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.
Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.
Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
Two-minute warning: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
Verbal: Able to whine in words
Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.
Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a sponge.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… 
“I passionately hate the idea of being with it, I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time.” –Orson Welles
“If winning isn’t everything, why do they keep score?”
–Vince Lombardi
“Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it.”
–Mark Twain
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
A guy from Czechslovakia was visiting his cousin the lawyer in California,
and they went for a hike in Yellowstone Park. While they were hiking they were attacked by 2 bears, one male and one female. The male bear dismembered and ate
the Czechslovakian guy, but the lawyer managed to escape. He ran straight to the nearest Rangers station, and told them what had happened, and they sent out a group of rangers to see what was going on. Sure enough, the Rangers arrived at the place that the lawyer mentioned, and there were the female and the male bears. So one of the Rangers took his rifle and shot the female. So the other Rangers asked “why did you shoot the female? he said that the male ate his friend”  So the Ranger answers “Would you believe a lawyer if he told you that the Czech is in the male?”😐
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
 ‘Ray…when someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES!’
ANSWER: Ghostbusters! The antagonist in this movie asked Ray if he was a
god to ascertain whether or not he’d die if attacked. 

 

Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??   

‘If you run, we’ll be there in an hour.’ ‘Run? I haven’t even stretched!’
 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….  
Which country, from group A, belongs in group B?
GROUP A
Australia
Cyprus
France
Great Britain
Hong Kong
Japan
GROUP B
United States
China
Egypt
Kuwait
Norway
ANSWER: France.  The countries in group A all drive on the left hand side of the road,
France belongs in group B, as they drive on the right.

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Below are two clues for words that are homophones of each other. For example,
“Number after one…Also” would result in “Two…Too”. Can you get all of the words?
1. Tiny Spider…Not sure if I will or not
2. Made the gun more accurate…Quoted
3. Container…Light
4. Head organ…Yes
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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