WELCOME to Friday, October 13, 2017.
Really Bad Weekend Punography…..
Daughter: „Mom, can I get a cat or a dog at Christmas, please?“
Mom: No honey, you will be getting turkey, like every Christmas!“
My socks got really holy. I can only wear them to church.
Whenever I undress in the bathroom, my shower gets turned on.
If you spent your day in a well, can you say your day was well-spent?
I Googled “how to start a wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.
A patient bursts into a doctor’s office, “Doctor, I believe I’m a deck of cards!”
The doctor calmly replies, “Go sit in the waiting room, please, I’ll be dealing with you later.”
A Spanish magician has a grand magical show and at the end he says he will disappear after counting to three. He starts to count, “Un, dos…” Kazaam! He vanished without a tres.
A guy was admitted to hospital with 8 plastic horses in his stomach. His condition is now stable.
Why did the balloon go near the needle? He wanted to be a pop star.😐
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
I was hoping to steal some leftovers from the party but I guess my plans were foiled.
Which country’s capital is the fastest growing? Ireland’s. -Every year it’s Dublin.😎
Never date cross eyed people. They might be seeing somebody on the side!
Apparently taking a day off is not something you should do when you work for a calendar company.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
If at first you don’t succeed . . . so much for skydiving. Henny Youngman
“If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side.” Stuart Turner“
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?“Bill Murray
“Do you ever get halfway through eating a horse and go ‘you know, I’m not as hungry as thought I was’?” Tim VineI
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. Oscar Wilde
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, “At my age,
I don’t even buy green bananas.” Claude Pepper
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. George Burns
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Late one night a robber wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me your money,” he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, “You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!” “Oh! In that case,” smiled the robber, “Give me MY money!” 😁
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘Sanka, you dead?’
ANSWER: Cool Runnings! After their bobsled crashes, one of the other team members asks Sanka this question. His reply? “Yes”.
Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘Dead or alive, you are coming with me.’
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Each of the following clues refers to a word that begins with “ten”. Can you guess all ten of them?
2. Delicate or gentle
3. A sinew
4. A racket game
5. Capable of being stretched
6. Between the bass and alto
7. Stretched tight
9. A dwelling
10. An opinion held to be true.
ANSWER: 1. Tendency 2. Tender 3. Tendon 4. Tennis 5. Tensile 6. Tenor 7. Tense 8. Tenuous 9. Tenement or Tent 10. Tenet
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you decipher this rebus?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 🙇🙇🙇🙇🙌
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/