Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases

WELCOME to Thursday, October 26, 2017.                   
Business one-liners……..  
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs,
then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
If enough data is collected, anything can be proven by statistical methods.
If everything is coming your way, you are probably in the wrong lane.
If everything seems to be going well, you obviously do not know what the hell is going on.
If everything seems to go right, check your zipper.
If facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
If flattery gets you nowhere, try bribery.
If guns are outlawed, how will we shoot the liberals?
If I want your opinion, I’ll ask you to fill out the necessary form.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t there more happy people?
If ignorance is bliss, most of us must be orgasmic.
If it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow it and you will break it.
If it doesn’t make sense, it’s either economics or psychology.
If it doesn’t work, expand it.
If it happens, it must be possible.
If it is good, they will stop making it.
If it is incomprehensible, it’s mathematics.
If it is worth doing, it is worth doing for money.
If it is worth doing, it is worth over-doing.
If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more
interested he is in her. — Agatha Christie
He who knows nothing, knows nothing. But he who knows he knows nothing knows something. And he who knows someone whose friend’s wife’s brother knows nothing, he knows something. Or something like that.
Honolulu – it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother. — Ken Dodd
Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later;
for another thing, they die earlier. –H.L. Mencken
There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.
It’s called marriage. — James Holt McGavran
To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the marriage cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
Whenever you’re right, shut up. — Nash
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred. Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys.
“Correct,” said the chief. “How did you figure it out?” The warrior answered, “It’s elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘They’re here.’
ANSWER: Poltergeist! A movie that scared the living daylights out of me.


Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

‘If you build it, he will come.’

Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Why is K like a sunrise?
Why is L like a warm furnace?
Why is M a favorite with miners?
Why is N like a pig?
Why is O the only of five vowels that you can hear?
ANSWER: K is like a sunrise because it appears at the end of DARK.

L is like a warm furnace because it makes IT LIT.
M is a favorite with miners because it makes ORE MORE.
N is like a pig because it makes A STY NASTY.
O is the only one of the five vowels that you can hear because all the others are in AUDIBLE (INAUDIBLE).


Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Fill in the words that are empty by using words that will connect with the previous one.
EXAMPLE: Towel, Rack. (You have the words Towel and Rack, but when put together it becomes “Towel rack”.)
Try to connect petting to guard.
Z_ _
A_ _ _ _ _
C_ _ _ _ _ _ _


LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at

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