Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday, October 30, 2017.                 
Pondering Again…………..  
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead?”
What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
Why not modern Latin: VENI, VEDI, VISA – I came, I saw, I shopped.
If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
Strange! No one ever says “It’s only a game,” when their team is winning.
Isn’t Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and…
If you don’t like my driving, don’t call anyone. Just take another road. That’s why the highway department made so many of them.
When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
Try a little kindness. As little as possible. Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.
I love playing cards with children. They can’t tell you’re dealing off the bottom of the deck.
Remember: you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar… Of course, how you spend your leisure time is your business.
A man’s best friend is his dog. That’s assuming you want a friend who messes on your carpet and drools on your newspaper.
If I won the lottery, I wouldn’t be one of those people who immediately quit their jobs. I’d make my boss’s life a living hell for a week or two first.
A rose by any other name would stick you just as bad and draw just as much blood when you grab a thorn.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

“I read about a woman in Pennsylvania who celebrated her 94th birthday by jumping out of a plane. She thought she was just walking into the bathroom – but still, good for
her to experience that!” -Jimmy Fallon
“There is a major scandal in the world of the Iditarod. It turns out some of the dogs in
the race are on drugs. Dogs belonging to the four-time musher tested positive for a banned substance. These are powerful drugs. Opioids. These are the same drugs Santa
uses to make his reindeer fly.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“Pope Francis said that married people should have more kids. When asked for comment, married people said the Pope should have a kid and then get back to us.” -Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction he felt for his model
finally became irresistible. He threw down his palette, took her in his arms, and kissed her.
She pushed him away. “Maybe your other models let you kiss them,” she said, “but I’m not that kind!”
“Actually, I’ve never tried to kiss a model before,” he protested.
“Really?” she said, softening. “Well, how many models have there been?”
“Four so far,” he replied, thinking back. “A jug, two apples and a vase.”😔
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘As God as my witness, I’ll never be hungry again.’
ANSWER: Gone with the Wind! Scarlet O’Hara’s famous saying in this movie. 


Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

‘Can I tell you my secret now? I see dead people!’

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
The U.S. Presidents made some horrible political decisions. They decided to hide from the mob coming
after them by hiding in these five sentences. You are hired as a private sleuth to find each of them.
Can you find their last names in these five sentences?
1. Ice pops taste the best on hot afternoons.
2. The weird dictator said that he would build magenta dams.
3. The man told his mother that he wouldn’t be home for dinner.
4. I have to fill more of the holes our dog dug in the yard.
5. I was going to take the bus home, but I missed it.
ANSWER: Answers are indicated with capital letters:

1. Ice pops taste the best on hoT AFTernoons.
2. The weird dictator said that he would build magentA DAMS.
3. The man told his mother that he wouldn’t be home FOR Dinner.
4. I have to FILL MORE of the holes our dog dug in the yard.
5. I was going to take the BUS Home, but I missed it.


Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What phrase is illustrated here?
Injection 1: Rumour Shot
Patient: “That tickles.”
Injection 2: Hearsay Shot
Patient: “Didn’t feel it.”
Injection 3: Fact Shot
Patient: “Ouch!”


LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at


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