WELCOME to Friday, December 22, 2017.
Holiday Eating Tips….
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows
nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.
Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it’s rare.
In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can’t find it any other time of year
but now. So drink up! Who cares that has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if
you’re going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it.
Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not
stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes.
Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk.
If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating.
The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free.
Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can
do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory
calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from
the table, you haven’t been paying attention. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
Have a wonderful Christmas weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to
LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“A new poll revealed that 44 percent of Americans think Santa is a Democrat and 28
percent believe he is a Republican. And the other 28 percent said to please stop bothering me with stupid questions.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“We’re having our office Christmas party tonight. Just like last year, I’m going to get drunk,
make a fool of myself, and then go to the office Christmas party.” -Conan O’Brien
“We are just one week away from Christmas. Which means today is that special day
when husbands tell their wives, ‘I give up. Just tell me what you want.'” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
I wondered if I could get my husband to help me address Christmas cards, as I had so
much to do. I arranged everything we needed, then hopefully pulled up a chair and said,
“Come on, Dear, let’s get these out of the way.”
He glanced at the array on the table, turned away and went into the den, only to return
moments later with a high stack of cards, stamped, sealed, and addressed.
“They’re last year’s,” he said. “I forgot to mail them. Now let’s go out to dinner and relax.”😐😎
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘He’s a fountain of misplaced rage. Name your cliche; mother held him too much or not enough,
last picked at kickball, late night sneaky uncle, whatever. Now he’s so angry that moments of levity
actually cause him pain; give him headaches. Happiness, for that gentleman, hurts.
ANSWER: Con Air! Steve Buscemi’s character says this line. This action movie was pretty ridiculous, but it had an intriguing cast (Buscemi, John Malkovich, John Cusack).
Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘Women. Nice ones, the most frigid of the race, it doesn’t matter in the end. Inside they’re all the same meat and gristle and hatred just simmering.’
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
In each group below, the three words end in the same three letters, so they look like they should
rhyme, but they don’t. See if you can figure out the missing letters in each group.
Example: plo___, tho___, to___ would be plough, though, tough.
1. b___, el___, oppos___
2. bl___, br___, g___
3. f___, h___, t___
ANSWER: 1. bite, elite, opposite 2. blood, brood, good 3. four, hour, tour
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
The Jones family of Ohio is entertaining their cousin Henry, who is visiting from Belgium.
After staying for several days, Henry is getting ready to leave, when he presents the Jones with a gift. It is a lamp that Henry claims is a very valuable antique that has been in his family for 70 years. It has small Bohemian figures that dance around the base when the lamp is turned on. Henry plugs it in to show the family how it works.
After Henry leaves, the father looks at his family, and says, “While it may be a pretty lamp, and it was nice of Henry to give it to us, it is not a Belgian antique.”
Why is the father so sure?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY, DECEMBER 28TH’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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