WELCOME to Tuesday, January 9, 2018.
MORE REALLY BAD PUNS….
The public safety officer came up to a large mob of people outside a department store and asked, “What’s happening?” A mall officer replied, “These people are waiting to get the new Barbie doll.” The public safety officer shook his head and muttered, “Who can resist a Barbie queue?”
Ray’s friends claim he’s a baseball nut. He says they’re way off base.
Why not go out on a limb? Isn’t that where all the fruit is?
My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violins.
Did you hear about the 2 silk worms in a race? It ended in a tie!
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha.😁
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
I told my mom I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I rode straight pasta.
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.
Why is peter pan always flying? He neverlands.
Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers? He’d stop at nothing to avoid them.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Tuesday
people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“Thanks to Congress, meat producers no longer have to tell consumers where
their meat comes from. Upon hearing this, Arby’s said,
‘Waaay ahead of you, man.'” -Conan O’Brien
“China just installed new public bathrooms in Beijing that actually offer Wi-Fi. Yeah,
a Wi-Fi-enabled bathroom. Or as we call that here in America, Starbucks.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“There’s a new study that says giving your child too much praise can harm them later.
If you’re too hard on your kids, they grow up with no self-confidence, but if you praise
them too much, they grow up to be narcissists. What do these
little monsters want from us?” -Jimmy Kimmel
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
My mother and I were walking through the mall when a man stopped us to ask if we
would take part in a survey. One of the questions was; “Do you think there is too much sex in movies?”
“I don’t know,” replied my mother. “I’m usually too wrapped up in the film to notice
what the rest of the audience is doing.” 😐
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘Love. Where does it come from? Who lit this flame in us? No war can put it out, conquer it. I was a prisoner. You set me free.’
ANSWER: The Thin Red Line! Pvt. Jack Bell (Ben Chaplin) says this in narration to the woman he left behind when he came to fight the war. This was an extremely powerful movie, much better than ‘Saving Private Ryan’, in my opinion.
Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘Dance is more than the steps. Feel the music and dance for sheer joy.’
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What phrase is represented below?
Measles Medical Research
Teardrop Tablets = Measles 30% cured
Boredom Shot = Measles 50% cured
Ha-Ha Syrup = Measles 100% cured
ANSWER: Laughter is the best medicine
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
These well known sayings were translated by computer to another language then back into English. What were the original sayings?
1. It hits while the iron is warm.
2. Initially come, initially been useful.
3. As for evidence of the pudding there are times when you eat.
4. More than one road it removed the skin from the tomcat.
5. Is human to mad.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/