WELCOME to Friday, January 12, 2018.
Why Did the Computer Chicken Cross the Road?
Assembler Chicken: First, it builds the road ……
C Chicken: It crosses the road without looking both ways.
C++ Chicken: The chicken wouldn’t have to cross the road, you’ d simply refer to him on the other side.
COBOL Chicken: 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING.
THEN PERFORM 0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTIL
GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING
Cray Chicken: Crosses faster than any other chicken, but if you don’t dip it in liquid nitrogen first, it arrives on the other side frazzled.
Delphi Chicken: The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on the other side.Will and Guy’s Computer Humour
Gopher Chicken: Tried to run but got beaten by the Web chicken.
Intel Pentium Chicken: The chicken crossed 4.9999978 times.
Iomega Chicken: The chicken should have ‘ backed up’ before crossing.
Java Chicken: If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, then the server will download one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets.)
Linux Chicken: Don’t you *dare* try to cross the road the same way we do!
Mac Chicken: No reasonable chicken owner would want a chicken to cross the road, so there’s no way to tell it how to cross the road.
Newton Chicken: Can’t cluck, can’t fly, and can’t lay eggs, but you can carry it across the road in your pocket.
OOP Chicken: It doesn’t need to cross the road, it just sends a message.
OS/2 Chicken: It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so quiet that nobody noticed.
Microsoft’s Chicken: It’s already on both sides of the road. What’s more its just bought the road.
Windows 95 Chicken: You see different coloured feathers while it crosses, but when you cook it still tastes like…….. chicken.
Quantum Logic Chicken: The chicken is distributed probabilistically on all sides of the road until you observe it on the side of your choice.
VB Chicken: USHighways! <TheRoad.cross> (aChicken)
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend
people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m possible”! —Audrey Hepburn
I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel. —Maya Angelou
Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right. —Henry Ford
Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence. —Vince Lombardi
Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. —Charles Swindoll
If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more. If you look at what
you don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough. —Oprah Winfrey
Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. —Eleanor Roosevelt
I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. —Jimmy Dean
Believe you can and you’re halfway there. —Theodore Roosevelt
To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart. —Eleanor Roosevelt
Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears. —Les Brown
Do or do not. There is no try. —Yoda
Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve. —Napoleon Hill
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore, Dream, Discover. —Mark Twain
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Customer: How do I change channel on my monitor?
Advisor: Your monitor won’t have channels like a TV.
Customer: But I was watching the internet channel the other day and now I just get the word processing channel.😐
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘You know how it is, the beginnings? When you first fall in love and you can’t eat, you can’t sleep and getting a call from her, it makes your day. It’s like seeing a shooting star.’
ANSWER: Beautiful Girls! Timothy Hutton explains his take on relationships. This film was directed by the late Ted Demme (also did ‘Blow’).
Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘I’m somebody now, Harry. Everybody likes me. Soon, millions of people will see me and they’ll all like me. I’ll tell them about you, and your father, how good he was to us. Remember? It’s a reason to get up in the morning. It’s a reason to
lose weight, to fit in the red dress. It’s a reason to smile. It makes tomorrow all right. What have I got Harry, hm? Why should I even make the bed, or wash the dishes? I do them, but why should I? I’m alone. Your father’s gone, you’re gone. I got no one to care for. What have I got, Harry? I’m lonely. I’m old.’
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
I am like a gigantic dragon winding through deserts, grasslands and plateaus,
and am well over 2,500 years old.
I am high, strong and massive and have a greyish-blue colour,
but parts of my body are now in ruins and have disappeared,
although sections of me that still remain have great historical significance.
I began as a baby dragon some 700 years before the Christ appeared on this earth,
and as the years endured I grew to be an adult,
all the while continuing to strengthen my keepers.
Whilst I am considered to be the longest graveyard in the world,
no one is ever buried within me anymore.
What am I?
ANSWER: The Great Wall of China. With a history of more than 2,500 years, some of the sections of the Great Wall are now in ruins or even entirely disappeared. However, it is still one of the most appealing attractions all around the world owing to its architectural grandeur and historical stature.
The construction of the Great Wall began between the 7th and 8th centuries B.C. when the warring states built defensive walls to ward off enemies from the north. It was only a regional project then, until the Qin Dynasty, when the separate walls were joined together and consequently it stretched from east to west for about 5000 kilometres
and served to keep nomadic tribes out. The Wall was further extended and strengthened in the succeeding dynasties, especially during the Ming dynasty, when the northern nomadic ethnic groups became very powerful. The Ming rulers had the Wall renovated 18 times. As a result, not the remains from the Qin dynasty were restored, but some 1000
kilometers were constructed to a full length of 6,700 kilometers.
It is said during the construction of the wall, one worker is buried every metre within the rocks of the wall.
The Mandarin word for ‘The Great Wall of China’ is Wanli Changcheng.
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Sunday had finally come for Detective Kelvin Wallace. It was the day of the auction. He was an avid collector of antique items. He was looking for something from the collection of a king, especially Louis XIV, as he did not have any of his items.
Finally, the collection of King Louis XIV came up for auction. The first item was a bathing towel which was supposedly used every day by King Louis XIV. Everyone was eager to get his hands on the old torn piece of cloth, but Detective Wallace knew that it was a fake piece and decided to leave the auction hall immediately.
How did he know that the towel was fake?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/