WELCOME to WEDNESDAY MAY 13th, 2026

Punicious Punography…………..
Humour, Puns and Word-play
Punicious PunographyI used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity; it’s impossible to put down.

I’m glad I know sign language; it comes in handy.

If towels could tell jokes, they would probably have a dry sense of humour.

Police were called to a nursery where a three year old was resisting a rest.

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

A man had his left arm and leg amputated; he’s all right now.

I wondered why the football was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but then it came back to me.

If you asked a plastic surgeon to make you look like a pelican, would you get a massive bill?

When ancient wall sculptors finished their work, it was a relief.

Someone left a piece of Plasticine in my house. I didn’t know what to make of it.

As one frog croaked to the other; “Time’s fun when you’re having flies!”

Darth Vader knew what Luke Skywalker was getting for Christmas because he felt his presents.

I bought my wife a wooden leg for Christmas. It’s not her main present, just a stocking filler.

Just watched a religious order playing stringed instruments; there’s too much sects and violins on TV these days.

I nearly lost my frog puppet recently; it tried to Kermit suicide.

Never trust an atom. They make up everything.

I saw a kidnapping today, but decided not to wake him up.

I’ve spilt glue all over my autobiography. At least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

I’ve just eaten a very hard biscuit; that was one tough cookie.

There are a few grave diggers wandering around the local graveyard; I think they’ve lost the plot.

I have a job crushing pop cans. It’s soda pressing.

Why did the Archaeopteryx catch the worm? Because it was an early bird.

What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

Palaeontologists thought they’d found new evidence of a missing link, but it was just another fossil arm.

There’s a terrible smell in the local Apple store; it’s a shame they don’t have Windows.

That’s my story and Im stickking to it! Have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY ‘people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

Thought you’d like some Punagraphy!

• Why were the Indians here first… They had Reservations!
• The Energizer Bunny has been arrested – charged with Battery.
• I didn’t like my beard at first but it grew on me.
• Do you know how to make Holy Water? You boil the hell out of it!
• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble!
• What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back for seconds!
• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A Thesaurus!
• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger; then it hit me!
• Broken pencils are pointless!
• PMS jokes aren’t funny. Period!
• How much money would a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer!
• I’m a big fan of whiteboards! I find them remarkable!
• Atoms are untrustworthy little things. They make up everything!
• What exercise do lazy people do? Diddly squats!

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  
In 17th century Canada, a young priest undertakes a long and dangerous journey to found a mission in a Native American village.

Answer:  Black Robe! In 1634 Canada, a Jesuit priest sets out on a mission to a distant Native American village to convert and minister to them. Escorted by a small party of Algonquin people, the group endures many hardships and finds the villagers dying of smallpox upon their arrival.
 

Wednesdays Movie Trivia of the day!  
 A Navy pilot with psychological issues is invited back to his old squadron just before a
major operation to bomb a target in the Middle East.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….
You are stuck in a room. All that is there is a slip of paper on a table, and many bottles. The only exit is guarded by a heat sensor that will not let you out. The only way out is to drink one of the bottles’ contents, and the liquid will cool down your body heat (with no harm to yourself) enough so that the heat sensor doesn’t detect you anymore. There are nine bottles on the ground beyond the table. The content of the slip of paper will tell you what each of the bottles are. Find out what all the bottles are, and then find out which one to drink to get out.

Three of me are poison, and will kill you if you drink.
Two of me are water, nothing bad will happen with these.
Two of me are wine, and it will only get you drunk.
One will heat you up forever, and this room will never let you out. (hinder)
Only one here will help you, it will cool down your body heat.
No medium bottles are poison.
Wine is bad in large doses, so none are large.
Each of the end bottles have the same contents.
No matter how help hides, it will be on poison’s left side, but its left side is safe.
No two small bottles are the same.
The hinderer is harder, for it resides between wine and water.
The hinder bottle is large, so it works forever.
Neither big nor medium will save your life.
Poison is all you will get from the bottle on the far right.
Water is next to the helper.

Bottle Order:
Large–Small–Large–Medium–Small–Large–Medium–Large–Small

ANSWER:  Poison–wine–hinder–water–help–poison–wine–water–poison
Only the middle bottle will save your life.

Wednesday’s Quizzler is….😎😎

Many many years ago when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.

This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother, for she was my father’s wife.

To complicate the matters worse, although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother
To the widow’s grown-up daughter who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father’s wife then had a son, who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson, for he was my daughter’s son.

Who is my grandma?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com: https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.

CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.  😳😳