WELCOME to FRIDAY MAY 29th, 2026
Funny Newspaper Headlines
Unintentional puns are called double entendres and they occur everywhere. Graduate students at
the Columbia School of Journalism for years collected those that occurred around the world in
newspaper headlines. Here is a healthy selection of them.
From our Mailbox
Passing wind strands BC Ferry passengers Vancouver Sun, March 2, 2011
Woman Vanishes After She Drops Off Kids San Francisco Chronicle, September 13, 2006
Be careful what you get on your kids about
Feds: Man Made Child Porn. As opposed to natural child porn, I presume.
Situations Vacant: Cleaner required, must be contentious
Light Turnout Seen at Iraqi Polling Station in MD
5th-Graders Get to Grill Lions
Dr. Beard’s Collection from the Columbia School of Journalism
Autos killing 110 a Day; Let’s Resolve to do Better
Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad she Hasn’t Seen in Years
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Child’s Death Ruins Couple’s Holiday
Child’s Stool Great for Use in Garden
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Deaf Mute Gets New Hearing in Killing
Dealers will Hear Car Talk at Noon
Dr. Ruth to Talk about Sex with Newspaper Editors
Drunk Drivers Paid $1,000 in 1984
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
Eye Drops Off Shelf
Farmer Bill Dies in House
Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One
If Strike isn’t Settled Quickly it May Last a While
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Juvenile Court Tries Shooting Defendant
Kicking Baby Considered To Be Healthy
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
Reagan Wins on Budget, but More Lies Ahead
Robber Holds Up Albert’s Hosiery
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should be Belted
Shot Off Woman’s Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
Smokers are Productive, but Death Cuts Efficiency
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung
Two Sisters Reunite after Eighteen Years at Checkout Counter
Two Soviet Ships Collide – One Dies
War Dims Hope for Peace
William Kelly was Fed Secretary
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT WEEKEND ‘people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
QUOTES OF THE DAY…
Did you hear about the weekly poker game with Vasco da Gama,
Christopher Columbus, Leif Erikson, and Francisco Pizarro?
They can never seem to beat the straights of Magellan.
Victor Borge, describing his adventurous boyhood in Denmark: “Once
my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.”
“Oh, so when people call their pets ‘fur babies’ it’s fine, but when I call
a kid a ‘skin dog’ somehow I’m ‘disgusting’ and ‘the worst pediatrician in this hospital’???”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!
The story is about three young friends growing up in Boston who go on to lead different lives.
They continue to live in the same area but circumstances of the killing of Jimmy Markum’s daughter
drag the former friends together with unusual results.
Answer: Jimmy Markum! Sean Penn won the Academy Award for his portrayal of James “Jimmy” Markum in the crime drama movie “Mystic River” (2003). The movie was directed and produced by Clint Eastwood. The movie received six Academy Award nominations, winning two, being Best Actor (Sean Penn) and Best Supporting Actor (Tim Robbins). The story is about three young friends (Jimmy, Dave and Sean) growing up in Boston who go on to lead different lives. They continue to live in the same area but circumstances of the killing of Jimmy Markum’s daughter drag the former friends together with unusual results. Sean (Kevin Bacon), who is now a detective, investigates the killing and Jimmy kills Dave (Tim Robbins) thinking he was the killer of his daughter, only to find that he was innocent.
Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!
This actress portrays the former British Prime Minister, in her later years of political life and retirement.
Thursday’s Quizzler is….
Starting with a one-letter word, add a letter and rearrange the letters to produce the next word. A clue is given for each.
Maybe your car can do 0 to 60 in 10 seconds, but can you do 0 to 10 in 60 seconds? Get out the stopwatch!
This one is a little easier than the previous ones …
The hint gives the starting letters of the even numbered words.
- Roman one
- Ratio of ‘circumference : diameter’ for circles
- Edible homonym of #2
- Long poem or film about heroic deeds
- ‘There’s a _ on his head’ (a reward)
- Give the main points of a story
- Contents of Cordon Bleu book
- Money taken in from sales
- Likely to cause the most unpleasant sensations of fear
- Particular, belonging separately to each
ANSWER: 1. I - Pi
- Pie
- Epic
- Price
- Precis
- Recipes
- Receipts
- Creepiest
- Respective
Friday’s Quizzler is….😎😎
You can find me on a face;
Frequently I’m in a vase.
I’m precise by definition,
Yet to one man I am different.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com: https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.
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The World According to the Eucman! 