WELCOME to TUESDAY OCTOBER 9th, 2026
PUNS…………
King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, ‘I’ll give you 100,000 dinars for it.”But I paid a million dinars for it,’ the King protested. ‘Don’t you know who I am? I am the king!’ Croesus replied, ‘When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are.’
Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire, so we’ll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
A man rushed into a busy doctor’s office and shouted, ‘Doctor! I think I’m shrinking.’The doctor calmly responded,
Now, settle down. You’ll just have to be a little patient.’
A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
Back in the 1800s, Tate’s Watch Company of Waltham, Massachusetts wanted to produce other products. Since they already made watch cases, they used them to produce compasses, but the new compasses were so erratic that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression, ‘He who has a Tate is lost.’
A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying,
‘We have absolutely nothing to go on.’
An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, ‘The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on.’(At first, Guy could not get this, but then I realized ‘thong = song’.)
A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register.
His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, ‘I must have taken Leif off my census.’
There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deerskin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus’s skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal *brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, ‘Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?’
Have a great day or pretend to! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
Have a WONDERFUL MONDAY’ people, stay safe, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
MONDAY’s Movie Trivia of the day!
Prison Break number 4!
Answer: Midnight Express!
Directed by Alan Parker, “Midnight Express” is a 1978 film that is tough to watch. Written by Oliver Stone, it details the harrowing experiences endured by a young college student named Billy Hayes (Brad Davis), thrown into a hellish Turkish prison after being captured trying to smuggle a supply of drugs out of Istanbul. We are left with little doubt that his chances of surviving the wretched pit he’d been cast into are very thin. Yet, despite having little sympathy for the act that got him here, the inhumanities that he is left to deal with have us on the edge of our seats, urging him to break out.
TUESDAYS Movie Trivia of the day!
Prison Break number 5!
MONDAY’s Quizzler….
A couple with teenage, twin daughters was finding it difficult to keep track of their daughters’ dating lives. Kiri, who was sweeter and quieter than Kaylie, was dating a football running back named Jared. Kaylie, who was rather wild, was currently dating a drummer named Dave. Dave drove a small, black car with white fangs painted on the side, had a nose ring and always sported several henna tattoos. Although clean-cut Jared, who dressed more conservatively, seemed like a nice boy, their parents were still cautious. They were ever vigilant about who was coming and/or going. The rule was: no boys in the house when Mom and Dad aren’t home.
One rainy afternoon, the parents went to the mall for some shopping. Upon returning, they found evidence that a boy had been in the house while they were out. Three glasses, with just the ice left in them, sat on the kitchen counter. The parents assumed two of the glasses belonged to their twins and set about discovering whom the third glass belonged to.
When they queried their daughters, each denied that their boyfriend had been over, so Mom and Dad called up Jared and Dave on their cell phones and asked them to come over for a talk.
After the boys parked and entered, Mom asked them to sit at the kitchen table for a little visit. Thus began her interrogation. She asked each in turn if they had been over while the girls were alone. Each replied no. Dave, dressed all in black, said he had been at the library studying for over two hours. The library was only a few blocks away, but he insisted he had a lot of studying to do and was too busy to come over. She noted that he was not wet from the rain, but that didn’t prove anything as he could have driven. On the other hand, he offered his completed homework as evidence that he was telling the truth.
Jared’s explanation was that he had been over an hour away in Dawson picking up a load of hay from his brother. They had tossed around the pig skin in the front yard for a bit before he headed back. He was only just arriving back in town when he received their call. Sure enough, in the back of his red truck, was a large stack of bales, barely visible beneath a blue tarp. That certainly lent credibility to his explanation. His fleece sweatshirt, with his number 22 on it was dry, but then it could have dried during the drive back.
By that time, Dad had come in the house and was listening to their explanations. He had been studying each boy carefully, pausing only a moment when he spotted Dave’s tattoo of a centaur. Nothing seemed noteworthy. He waited patiently until the boys had finished their explanations and then accused one of them of being in his house while he had been out. Who did he accuse and why?
Answer: Dad had noticed a large area in the driveway that was less wet because perhaps a large vehicle had been parked there, but the dead giveaway was Jared’s sweatshirt, which had no bits of hay on it despite loading an entire truckload of hay. He deduced that Jared already had the hay in his truck and instead had been visiting with his daughter earlier that day. Both daughters were grounded for lying, and Jared was threatened sufficiently.
TUESday’s Quizzler is….
Fill in the answers to the clues by using all the syllables. The number to be used is in parentheses.
A BU ER GLE IM IN ISH JO NAV POV SET STEP SUN
- Military horn (2)
- Make poor (4)
- American Indian (3)
- Foot part (2)
- Evening event (2)
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com: https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. 😳😳
