WELCOME to FRIDAY MAY 8th, 2026
Paraprosdokians
Sentences that Throw you a Curve.
A man is incomplete until he marries. Then he is finished.
There but for the grace of God goes God.
Two wrongs don’t make a right—but three lefts do.
Now, you take my wife . . . PLEASE!
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
War does not determine who is right—only who is left.
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way, so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Do not argue with an idiot: he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify . . . ,” I put “DOCTOR”.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” written on it…so I said “Implants?”
Americans choose between two people for president but among fifty for Miss America.
Behind the rise of every successful man stands a woman and behind the fall of every successful man is another woman.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
“If I am reading this graph correctly — I’d be very surprised.”
“You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing…after they have tried everything else.”
“On his feet he wore … blisters.”
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.”
In the morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas, I don’t know.
One thing you mustn’t miss when you are in Nome—the plane!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY THURSDAY ‘people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
New Meanings for Old Words………………
Work n. Where mommy and daddy go to get tired.
Agamemnon n. A way to remember the name of a Muslim official.
Inkwell n. An accomplished tattooist.
Lobster n. Someone who throws poorly.
Transcendental adj. Above the teeth.
Apiary n. A sting operation.
Mobilization n. Removing your land line and switching all calls to your mobile.
Ramification n. A consequence that is forced down your throat.
Politician n.Someone who shakes your hand befor an election and your confidence after it.
Stalemate (stale•mate) n. A leading cause of divorce.
Classic novel np. A book which people praise, but seldom read.
Compromise n. The art of slicing a cake in such a way that everyone believes they received the biggest piece.
Conference n. The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Conference room np. A place where everyone talks, no one listens, and later everyone disagrees about what was said.
Doctor n. A person who kills your ills with pills then kills you with bills.
Etc. abb. An abbreviation that makes others think you know more than you actually do.
Father n. The banker that nature provides.
Lecture n. The art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes
of the lecturees without passing through the minds of either.
Office n. A place where you can relax after a strenuous night at home.
Smile n. A curve that can set many things straight.
Tears n. The means by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!
A member of a very bizarre family returns after being missing for years and has trouble resuming his place.
Answer: The Addams Family. Based on the 1960s comics, “The Addams Family” has Gomez’ brother Fester returning from the Bermuda Triangle after many years. But Fester has changed so much that the family wonders if it is truly him, or someone else?
Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!
An FBI trainee agent interviews a brilliant convicted murderer, trying to gain some insight into the behavior of a brutal serial killer.
Thursday’s Quizzler is….
Three girls (Jada, Sally, and Patty) and two boys (Huey and Timmy) decided to go out to the gardens and pick some flowers for their parents (Rebecca, Lindsey, Ken, Daniel, and Mike). Each child chose a different flower, and picked a different amount. Can you figure out their first and last names, their parent’s name, the flower they picked, and the amount they picked?
- The girls picked flowers for their dads, while the boys picked flowers for their moms.
- Ken Rosenthal received 2 flowers.
- Six daffodils were picked by Harrison.
- Sally and Daniel’s daughter are best friends.
- Only one person picked a flower with the same initial as their first name. Only one person received a flower with the same initial as their first name. Nobody picked or received a flower with the same initial as their last name.
- The 5 types of flowers are the sunflower, the type picked by Jada, the ones picked by Timmy, the ones given to Mike, and Sally’s flowers.
- Three daisies were picked by Gonzalez.
- Rebecca Jones received 5 sunflowers.
- Patty loves daffodils, so she picked some for her dad.
Good Luck!
ANSWER: Jada, Daniel, Gonzalez, daisy, 3
Sally, Ken, Rosenthal, carnation, 2
Huey, Rebecca, Jones, sunflower, 5
Timmy, Lindsey, Smith, tulip, 4
Patty, Mike, Harrison, daffodil, 6
Friday’s Quizzler is….😎😎
Joe often travels for his job. Last week he ate at a different restaurant each weekday. He ordered a different entree and a different dessert at each. Determine where Joe ate each day, what entree he ordered and what he had for dessert with each meal.
- Joe ate at the Beach Grill (which is either where he had mixed fruit or the ice cream) on Friday.
- Joe ate at Irene’s (where he had either pecan pie or cheesecake) later in the week than he ate at the Cove.
- Joe ate at the restaurant where he had the chicken exactly one day before he ate at Lou’s Loft (where he had either the pecan pie or the cheesecake).
- Joe had mixed fruit for dessert at either Irene’s or the restaurant where he had the veal.
- Joe ate at the restaurant where he had the steak (and either pecan pie or cheesecake for dessert) before he ate where he had the mixed fruit (which he didn’t have on Thursday or Friday) but after he ate at Anthony’s.
- Joe ate where he had the pecan pie for dessert later in the week than when he had the cheesecake. He did not order pecan pie on the day he had spaghetti.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com: https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. 😳😳
The World According to the Eucman! 