WELCOME to FRIDAY MAY 8th, 2026
How I Met My Wife
by Jack Winter, the New Yorker, July 25, 1994
(A Tale in Undone Orphan Negatives)
It had been a rough day, so when I walked into the party I was very chalant, despite my efforts to appear gruntled and consolate.
I was furling my weildy umbrella for the coat check when I saw her standing alone in a corner. She was a descript person, a woman in a state of total array. Her hair was kempt, her clothing shevelled, and she moved in a gainly way.
I wanted desperately to meet her, but I knew I’d have to make bones about it, since I was travelling cognito. Beknowst to me, the hostess, whom I could see both hide and hair of, was very proper, so it would be skin off my nose if anything bad happened. And even though I had only swerving loyalty to her, my manners couldn’t be peccable. Only toward and heard-of behavior would do.
Fortunately, the embarrassment that my maculate appearance might cause was evitable. There were two ways about it, but the chances that someone as flappable as I would be ept enough to become persona grata or a sung hero were slim. I was, after all, something to sneeze at, someone you could easily hold a candle to, someone who usually aroused bridled passion.
So I decided not to risk it. But then, all at once, for some apparent reason, she looked in my direction and smiled in a way that I could make head or tails of. I was plussed. It was concerting to see that she was communicado, and it nerved me that she was interested in a pareil like me, sight seen. Normally, I had a domitable spirit, but, being corrigible, I felt capacitated—as if this were something I was great shakes at—and forgot that I had succeeded in situations like this only a told number of times. So, after a terminable delay, I acted with mitigated gall and made my way through the ruly crowd with strong givings.
Nevertheless, since this was all new hat to me and I had not time to prepare a promptu speech, I was petuous. Wanting to make only called-for remarks, I started talking about the hors d’oeuvres, trying to abuse her of the notion that I was sipid, and perhaps even bunk a few myths about myselfs.
She responded well, and I was mayed that she considered me a savoury character who was up to some good. She told me who she was. “What a perfect nomer,” I said, advertently. The conversation became more and more choate, and we spoke at length to much avail. But I was defatigable, so I had to leave at a godly hour. I asked if she wanted to come with me. To my delight, she was committal. We left the party together and have been together ever since. I have given her my love, and she has requited it.
That’s my story and if you can understand it, I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY MONDAY ‘people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
Persiflage: Intelligent Insults
As brutality slowly but surely takes over the US TV and motion picture industries, it is likely to stamp out any memory of the days of civility when a barbed tongue was as effective as an artesian gusher of profanity. This page is a remembrance to those days when men and women sharpened their wits rather than their swords as a defense against friend and enemy. This sort of light-hearted, chit-chatty mockery is known as persiflage.
“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”
—Billy Wilder
“Forgive me for shaking your hand with my left; I eat with the other one.”
—Dr. Goodword
“As I walk away, please note the mistletoe on my coattail.”
—Dr. Goodword
(When the death of Calvin Coolidge was announced) “How would they know?”
—Dorothy Parker
There is only one thing you mustn’t miss when you are in [Philadelphia]—the plane.
—Anonymous
If you want me to read your mind, give me more to work with.
—One of Eric Slinn’s coworkers
He was so narrow-minded, he could look through a keyhole with both eyes.
—Jeff Abbott (Courtesy of J. Frimpter)
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!
An FBI trainee agent interviews a brilliant, convicted murderer, trying to gain some insight into the behavior of a brutal serial killer.
Answer: The Silence of the Lambs! FBI trainee Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster) is assigned to interview serial killer and psychiatrist Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins), in order to gain information about another murderer. Lecter agrees to help in exchange for a transfer but plays mind games with Starling for his amusement.
Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!
A controversial radio talk show host, despondent after his comments caused a mass shooting,
meets a homeless man who lost his wife in the incident.
Friday’s Quizzler is….
Joe often travels for his job. Last week he ate at a different restaurant each weekday. He ordered a different entree and a different dessert at each. Determine where Joe ate each day, what entree he ordered and what he had for dessert with each meal.
- Joe ate at the Beach Grill (which is either where he had mixed fruit or the ice cream) on Friday.
- Joe ate at Irene’s (where he had either pecan pie or cheesecake) later in the week than he ate at the Cove.
- Joe ate at the restaurant where he had the chicken exactly one day before he ate at Lou’s Loft (where he had either the pecan pie or the cheesecake).
- Joe had mixed fruit for dessert at either Irene’s or the restaurant where he had the veal.
- Joe ate at the restaurant where he had the steak (and either pecan pie or cheesecake for dessert) before he ate where he had the mixed fruit (which he didn’t have on Thursday or Friday) but after he ate at Anthony’s.
- Joe ate where he had the pecan pie for dessert later in the week than when he had the cheesecake. He did not order pecan pie on the day he had spaghetti.
ANSWER: Monday, Anthony’s, chicken, brownie
Tuesday, Lou’s Loft, steak, cheesecake
Wednesday, the Cove, veal, mixed fruit
Thursday, Irene’s, barbeque, pecan pie
Friday, Beach Grill, spaghetti, ice cream
Monday’s Quizzler is….😎😎
In each group below, I have listed four (4) unrelated words. Your job is to try and
find a word that can either precede or follow each word in each group.
Example:
- picture, inner, top, test
Answer: picture TUBE, inner TUBE, TUBE top, test TUBE.
- sky, point, hat, knee
- street, fight, pedal, off
- shoe, french, powder, rims
- moulding, roast, triple, jewels
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com: https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. 😳😳
The World According to the Eucman! 