WELCOME to THURSDAY AUGUST 13th, 2026

Misuse of English
A young man comes before a customs agent.
A: “State your citizenship.”
B: “American” (pronounced with a Spanish accent).

A: “Hold on there, buddy. Say that again.”
B: “I sed American.”

A: “I’m going to give you a test.”
B: “No, no senor, no need for test, I tell you I’m American.”

A: “Yeah, sure buddy. OK, let’s see… I’ve got it. Make a sentence with
the following colors: green, pink and yellow.”

B: “Oh senor, I tell you I’m American. But OK, let’s see… I was at my bruder-in-laws
house and the phone went ‘green, green, I pinked it up and sed yellow!”😂

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a WONDERFUL THURSDAY ‘people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

 
Classic Jokes That Never Fail
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?”
One boy answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.”
“You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher, “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.”
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher. 😯

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!    
Mark Wahlberg is Chris Cole, an enthusiastic fan of heavy metal band Steel Dragon
who has his dream come true when he replaces the band’s lead singer. What film is this?
 
Answer:  Rock Star (2001)
Despite realizing his dream, Wahlberg’s character Chris Cole finds his new lifestyle to be unfulfilling, especially when the Steel Dragon band members are not interested in his creative input on any new songs. Realizing that he is just a mouthpiece (pun intended), Cole finds another fan to replace him in mid-concert, and returns to his old, more satisfactory existence.

Thursdays July Movie Trivia of the day!  
 A failed rock musician-wannabee finds himself forced to get a ‘real’ job to pay his rent
(by pretending to be a substitute teacher). Can you name the film?

WEDNESDAY’s Quizzler….
Detective Allison Carr pushed her way through the crowded hotel lobby and into an elevator. At the tenth floor she found a forensics crew already at work.

“What have we got here?” she asked Officer Frost.

“Victim is one Jacob Williams,” Frost said. “He and his wife and another couple are here for a week’s vacation.”

“I need names,” Carr said.

“Wife’s name is Kate. The other couple is James and Cindy Jones.”

Carr jotted the names into a small notebook. “Okay. Now, what happened?”

“The two couples were in the casino gambling. They had plans to eat at one of the city’s most exclusive restaurants. Very classy place. Anyhow, Williams left the casino first to come up here to shower, shave, and dress. The others came up later. When they were dressed and ready to go out, Williams hadn’t come out of his room yet. That’s when Mr. Jones came in here and found the body.”

“Didn’t Mrs. Williams see her husband when she came up here to dress?” Carr asked.

“Mr. Williams was a snorer. His wife couldn’t sleep in the same room with him, even at home. They had separate suites here, so she didn’t know anything was wrong until Jones told her.”

Allison Carr shook her head.

“How did Williams die?” she asked.

“He was shot with his own gun,” Frost said. “He takes it with him all the time for protection. He’s a jeweler and often carries a lot of gems when he’s working. I guess it worked against him this time.

“He was shot in the heart at close range. There was quite a bit of blood, as you’ll soon see. The medical examiner says with that kind of wound Williams may have lived for ten or fifteen seconds, but not much longer.”

Frost ushered Detective Carr into the bedroom of the late Jacob Williams’ hotel suite. Several policemen were combing the room for clues. One of them approached Carr.

“We found something interesting here. As you’ll notice, this room has a fireplace. The hotel doesn’t really expect the guests to use it, but it is a working fireplace. Someone DID use this one, though, and not too long ago. We found this in it.”

With that, the officer held out an evidence bag in which he had gathered some samples of ashes. Carr noticed the ashes had a peculiar texture: it wasn’t the type of ash left by wood or paper.

In another evidence bag were seven melted pieces of plastic and metal. Along with them was a charred piece of metal that appeared to be some sort of clip.

“Have you searched this room completely?” Carr asked.

“Yes. Here’s what we found.” Frost handed a list to the detective.

Carr read, “Five undershirts, five pair of undershorts, three pairs of brown socks, two pairs of blue socks, two blue dress shirts, three sport shirts, two pull-overs, six pair of slacks – two brown, two blue, and two black – along with a black belt, six ties – all in the current style and all different colors to match the shirts and slacks – two sport jackets – one brown and one blue – a pair of brown shoes, one pair of walking shoes, an electric razor, pre-shave and after shave, a toothbrush and toothpaste, a pair of walking shorts, pajamas, seven handkerchiefs.”

“Is that it?” she asked.

“We found the usual things on the body,” Frost said. “You know, wallet, change, keys, things like that. You ready to view the body now?”

“I think so,” Carr said as she moved toward the bed.

Jacob Williams’ body lay on the floor near the bed. A fairly large man, he was face down with his right hand outstretched and his left hand tucked under him. A large pool of blood spread out from under the body.

Williams was in his underwear and slippers. His right hand was coated with blood.

“Looks like he tried to wipe the blood off his hand before he died,” Carr said with a frown. Then she turned her attention to Williams’ bed.

Neatly laid out on it were a pair of tuxedo pants, a tuxedo jacket, and a red cumber-bun. Next to the pants was a pair of black socks. At the foot of the bed was a pair of black shoes.

“Looks like he never did get dressed for that dinner,” Carr said. “I’d like to speak to the others in the party. Where are they?”

“Next door in the wife’s suite,” Frost said.

Carr went to Mrs. Williams’ suite where three people sat; all were pale and nervous. The woman who was introduced as Mrs. Williams had obviously been crying. She wore a long yellow evening gown with shoes and purse to match. She was a short woman.

“I know what you’re going to say,” she sobbed. “You’re going to say I shot Jacob because I hated his philandering. But that’s not true. So what if he had affairs? He loved only me.”

Carr’s eyebrows went up at this remark and she turned to James Jones, a once-handsome man who was slowly showing the effects of his age. Jones was dressed in a tuxedo, white shirt, and black bow tie.

“She’s obviously upset,” Jones said of Mrs. Williams. “Jacob really was devoted to her, even if he did fool around. We were partners, you know, and he confided in me.”

“Partners?” Carr said. “Does this mean you’ll take over the entire business now?”

“Well, yes, but…,” Jones began but never finished.

“And how about you?” Carr asked Cindy Jones, a tall, graceful woman dressed in a red gown. “You’re very beautiful, if I may be so bold. Were you one of Mr. Williams’ affairs?”

“Good heavens, no!” Mrs. Jones said. “Not that he didn’t try. Oh, I’m sorry, Kate, but the truth is your husband did make several passes at me, but I never gave in, and nothing ever happened between us.”

“If I have the details straight,” Detective Carr said, “Mr. Williams left your group to go to his room to prepare for dinner while you all stayed in the casino. Were you all together?”

“No,” James Jones said. “I was playing blackjack.”

“I was at the slot machines,” Kate Williams said.

“And I was at the roulette wheel,” Cindy Jones said.

“I think one of you came to Mr. Williams’ suite earlier than you claim,” Carr said. “You argued with him, lost your temper, and shot him with his own gun. And I think I know which of you it was. As soon as I have some evidence examined, I’m sure I can prove it.”

ANSWER: James Jones killed Jacob Williams.

When she was shown the scene of the crime, Detective Carr realized something was missing. Jacob Williams was preparing to go to a formal dinner, but nowhere in the room were the white dress shirt, bow tie, or studs he would need for his tuxedo.

Then she remembered the smear on Williams’ hand. Nothing in the room was found that indicated where he had wiped the hand. She realized that after he was shot, Williams must have clutched at his wound, getting his hand bloody. Then he wiped the hand on the closest thing he could – his killer’s clothing.

The killer certainly couldn’t leave Williams’ room with bloody clothes, so he removed them, burned them in the fireplace, and put on Williams’ shirt, tie, and studs.

The only person in the group in a tux was James Jones, so Carr deduced he was the killer.  

Thursday’s  Quizzler is….
A man escapes from jail with help from his girlfriend. Four girls are accused of being the man’s girlfriend. His girlfriend is lying. Two girls are innocent and telling the truth. The other girl is the man’s sister who is helping the girlfriend lie. Who is the man’s sister?

Amanda: “Melinda is his girlfriend.”
Vanessa: “Eva is lying.”
Eva: “Amanda is lying.”
Melinda: “Vanessa is not his sister.”

 
Answer:   

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com: https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.

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